EDITOR'S PERSPECTIVE: I don't like to talk about it

A pal and myself often chat about the charity work we have undertaken. Quietly, of course, it’s not like we want people to hear. They might think we are seeking plaudits for our heartfelt work.

While some people want their moment in the spotlight as soon as they have completed a sponsored walk to the takeaway and back, he didn’t like to brag too much about his efforts at he Transplant Games – “It’s not about the winning mate, it’s about highlighting the difficulties some people have had in life and showing the world that you can still take part in sports. Well it was until I got that ****** bronze in the egg and spoon. ‘Ave it losers.”

To be honest, it was more about winning for him rather than doing some good, whereas for me, it was, of course, all about the latter.

“Come on mate, what have you ever done for others, let’s hear it,” he would say, his loser’s medal jangling around his neck.

I would resist for around seven seconds until I was forced to spill the beans grown in a fair price coffee commune in Colombia. “Well, I’ve probably never mentioned the 24-hour sponsored badminton I undertook for Ethiopia or somewhere in 1984 or the three laps around the park I did as a five year old to help raise money for a pavilion for old people.

"Oh yes, I’d almost forgotten the umpteen half marathons and then the London Marathon in 2004, and there’s plenty of other stuff I could mention but won’t. It was never about being competitive for me, I mean, yes, there was the 1.27.15 half marathon in Cheddar, the marathon in 3.32.15 and the three consecutive 14th places in the Exeter Leukaemia Fund (clock the title!) run but I only know that because of what people have told me, not because I wrote down the exact positions I finished in or anything. It was all about the good causes, whatever they were.”

He would nod, jealous now. Embarrassed perhaps at his own lack of largesse as I dropped a £5 note into a charity box. “It’s great putting a note in as people don’t hear it like they did with the attention seeking 10p coin you clattered in there so they don’t suss just how little of your not very hard earned you’ve given,” I shouted, purely to be heard above the rattle of copper being pushed into the tin.

I say all this not to display the fact I am obviously way more generous than him, but to emphasise how ridiculous it all sounds when people better off than those they are giving to stick themselves on TV (sometimes for a hefty fee) and tell people with hardly anything to hand over their dosh.

I’m looking at the likes of tax avoiding Gary Barlow’s smug face appearing on Children in Need/Comic Relief or whatever it is every year. He cares, you see. I’m looking at multi-millionaire unfunny man Lenny Henry, the smugness personified Michael McIntyre and the other culprits “generously donating their time for others” and boring on, persuading you to give money you will never know the exact destination of. Probably the pockets of those who have just persuaded you to hand it over (they may be doing it for free!).

I knew there was something else. Better go and get on the blower to him – “Hi mate, about seven years ago I gave my weekend up to take part in this charity cricket tournament. Blistering hot day, hard work, got 31 not out, raised a few quid… hello, hello...”