What we are is the last thing we should be ... David Rawson's Rotherham United fan column

Maybe it's clicked. Maybe this is it. Maybe it's time for a reality check. “Not good enough for the Championship” – sure! – “but too good for League One” – you reckon?

Thirty seconds in, after Wrexham scored, part of me knew we'd lost. Yes, I knew we'd trundle forward, apply a bit of old-fashioned pressure. I knew we'd look threatening; but I suspected we'd never quite look like scoring. Because that's how we are this season. We played well, but not well enough.

But Peterborough! Oh, we can score, certainly. And we will. Someone may well get a full-weight hammering. But it will be the exception, not the rule,

Remember how there used to be an inevitability to us? How it wasn't clear how we'd do it, or when, but it was absolutely certain that we'd force a goal? When it was a surprise to hear the final whistle and we hadn't?

That's gone. We're not that sort of team anymore.

What remains is a sense of distance. I notice that I keep wanting to put “they” and not “we” when describing this team. It doesn't quite feel like watching the “proper” Rotherham United. I'm not sure why.

When we re-appointed Evans, the most compelling thing about the decision was that it was one only we could make. No other team in our position would have considered him (and maybe that makes them stupid or blind, but still, it's true). But for us it made sense because it was the most ultra-Rotherham thing to do. We appointed him specifically because no other team in our position would.

It was a statement that, okay, we'd tried to do it how all the smart people say you “should” and it hadn't worked, so we'd do it our way, thanks. We wanted our Rotherham back.

But that isn't what we've got. Wrexham are what we're supposed to be. Ugly, angular and strong, and actually really skilful, but with that skill hidden by a no-nonsense style and width and crosses. Our identity on our pitch. Just not us embodying it.

That's why New York Stadium is quiet these days. It doesn't know what it's watching. We're used to being really good or really bad. This season was about being really good, with the unacknowledged worry that it could go spectacularly wrong.

Average never entered the equation. But average is what we are.

The good news? It's a poor league this year. Average might get into the play-offs.

Maybe it will. If we can just get it to click ...