A double dose of tears as derby defeats leave me feeling so down ... Rotherham United boss Steve Evans writes for the Advertiser

But it is still a large one. I have no complaints whatsoever about how much money chairman Tony Stewart has allowed me to work with.

He is a Yorkshireman who has given Millers fans a club and a stadium to be really proud of.

It's really tough in League One this year. I've just mentioned the ‘big two’ and you've also got the likes of Wycombe Wanderers, Charlton Athletic, Bolton Wanderers and Stockport County enjoying the benefits of some very serious investment.

Things haven’t gone quite right for us and it looks like the play-offs are beyond us, but already planning is taking place to make us a top-six side next term.

I understand the consequences of not delivering on that objective.

Some results have left me feeling really low and I went on record last week to say that I cried late into the night in the privacy of my own home after the defeat at Barnsley back in November.

The chairman has been a constant source of support and advice. He lets me know in no uncertain terms when he isn't happy but he's always there for me.

Tony Stewart says to me after a loss: ‘You're down and I'm glad that you're down. Because the alternative is not feeling down and that would mean you didn't care. The more down you are, the more it matters to you.’

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I'M going to say something now that will surprise you: I have a lot of empathy with referees!

I sometimes take charge of eight-v-eight training games at Roundwood and, I can tell you, it is no easy task.

There are usually three penalties within ten minutes, a couple of dodgy offsides, some stick from the players and an early red card for assistant boss Paul Raynor for speaking out of turn on the touchline!

Carnage. I'm not cut out to wield a whistle!

Managers accept that refereeing is a really challenging task. We sometimes look back at the footage of decisions we've complained about and realise that, actually, the man or woman in the middle got it right.

I've often had to say to myself: ‘You judged that one wrong, Stevie Boy. You gave the ref an earful for nothing there.’

When managers meet up and talk about referees, we all say that the one thing we're looking for is consistency in the big decisions.

We don't like it when a throw-in goes against us, but we can cope with that. It's the errors that change games that we can't accept.

Take Jordan Hugill's disallowed first-half goal at Reading earlier this month, for example ... it's tremendous movement, good strength and a great finish. Then he gets a foul awarded against him.

Yet we see a Reading player completely dive and fall over and be theatrical in the 93rd minute and the ref gives a penalty.

They're the decisions that anger managers and leave referee chiefs like Howard Webb and Mike Jones shaking their heads.

Howard took time to speak to our chairman directly, after a couple of conversations with myself, following the Reading game.

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FORTY-four, 53, 52 and 52.

That's the number of appearances Sean Raggett made in his last four seasons at Portsmouth before he headed to New York Stadium in the summer.

For us, the figure is 11.

It's incredible how much injury misfortune our centre-half has suffered in South Yorkshire after hardly ever missing a game on the south coast.

He's had bone bruising in one knee and now he's got it in the other.

Another new boy, Jonson Clarke-Harris, has suffered similar misfortune with calf and hamstring issues in a campaign where we've been without too many key men too often.

Our striker didn't know what the treatment room looked like when he was at Peterborough United. He was always fit, always available.

We haven't been able to enjoy any consistency in team selection this term. That's so annoying because If we can get our strongest team out, there we can beat anyone.

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LIAM Kelly isn't the type of man who comes knocking on your door when he's not in the side, he just knuckles down and trains so well that puts himself right back in the frame for selection.

Our veteran midfielder is a class act. Injuries and illnesses have meant that he hasn't played as many games as we'd have all liked but he remains a vital member of our group.

Some players when they aren't being chosen need to come in and have a chat with you, they need to go home thinking: ‘I've had half an hour with the gaffer and he's my mate again.’

Liam's approach is different, and it's better than him sitting in my office and having a coffee or a glass of water with me.

Look at the career he's had. There's a reason why he spent seven seasons at a great club like Coventry City and was a major part in their rise from League Two to the Championship.

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IN the heat of a derby duel we were football enemies, but I consider Barnsley boss Darrell Clarke a true friend.

We all attach too much importance to winning and losing, then something can happen that makes you realise there are things that matter so much more.

Darrell went through the saddest thing that could ever happen to a father with the loss of his daughter. He’d be the first person to say that I was there for him at the worst stage of his life. He needed people around him, people who cared.

We did battle on Saturday and then we shared a hug at the end. I have nothing but respect and affection for him.

Did I cry in the privacy that night in the privacy of my own home? You bet I did.

Losing derby matches kills me as much as it does our supporters. Trust me, I get it.