LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Usual life for failed move Tories

They had travelled a familiar route to get there: Eton or Harrow School; Oxford or Cambridge University; MP for a safe Tory, shire county seat; Downing Street Cabinet Office.

It is understood that their intention was to make a new life in Rwanda but its government has denied them access.

Latest information is that no other country is willing to accept them.

According to the Head of The Seaside Surveillance Service, Captain Sandy Beaches, the ministers have claimed the right to return to their country estates or, at least, their Central London mansions.

Captain Beaches said: “We have great sympathy with the difficult journeys the claimants have made.

We are working with our partners to speedily resolve their claims.”

“They will be accommodated in The Ritz Hotel, where every effort will be made to provide them with the lifestyle that they know.

They won’t be allowed to work but will continue to receive their usual, generous financial allowance.”

Unfortunately, no senior Home Office civil servants were available for comment because they are working from home on Caribbean islands.  

Rob Slow