EDITOR’S PERSPECTIVE: Self-appointed characters never what they seem

Their self-appointed title tends to appear justified for about 20 minutes, during which they have attempted to put themselves across as being funny, sarcastic, loud, a bit of a rum b*gger, as my dad would have said.

Then it becomes tedious, forced and if you don’t react to their attention seeking they sulk.

There’s always an assumption these people become characters at a certain age, but they’ve always been like that. Often starting as the school bully or “a right laugh”, they move on to “loveable rogue” status or become a “bit of a prankster”.

Any good thesaurus should offer up “pain in the arse” and “k**bhead” as alternatives to these descriptions.

They might join a sports team and become the “dressing room character”, who after a game takes his — and it is usually a him — over-bearing personality to the pub and starts an irritating sing-song, the words to which usually serve the purpose of informing other drinkers of his imaginary sexual prowess.

People laugh. Well they would. They’ve had a few drinks and if anyone complains or tells him to shut up it will end in an argument or, worse, escalate into a fight that has to be broken up.

It was the same when he was at school when he picked on someone weaker than himself. People would gather round and laugh along with him just so they could be seen to be on his side, part of the gang, when in reality the first foot out of servile step would result in a good kicking.

As they become older the nasty side seems to be forgotten, largely because with age it softens and people only see the old man, not the horrible, cruel, aggressive bloke he used to be.

He’s learned that he can’t be that any more because the younger generations won’t stand it, and anyway they have their own characters queuing up to take his place.

So he’s forgiven: “He used to be a bit of a lad you know, a right womaniser, always joking, up to something. Didn’t care about anything. He’s all right when you get to know him though.”

Except he isn’t.

I’ve known plenty of these people: been to school and worked with them, played sports in the same team, drank with them, and they’re never all right.

I saw one the other week in a cricket match bullying his team, in particular one of the younger players. Then he would crack a joke, have a laugh with them and everything would be okay again for a few minutes.

That young lad, like the ones he tortured at school, those he has picked out as victims in the office, made the butt of his humour in the pub, they won’t be all right.

I remember all those who did that to me, but as the years go by the desire for revenge dims.

You never forget though, any failure in their life still secretly pleases you and, whatever else happens, inside you know they do not pass the true character test.

They have no character, are weak, cowardly and deservedly friendless individuals.

Certainly not characters in any book I’ve ever read.