Volvo battles nature to end motorists' hay fever hell

SITTING at my desk with my nose streaming and colleagues becoming increasingly annoyed at the amount of tissues I am stealing it is hard not to appreciate the marketing nous of Volvo UK.

As motor manufacturers from around the world are bigging up their tree-hugging virtues through low emissions the Swedish manufacturer has accurately guaged the public mood and created a system to effectively distance motorists from nature.

It has decided to make pollen filters a standard item on all its cars. Praise be.

At this time of year, man is not in harmony with his environment, after all.

Pollen spores whizz up nostrils as you drive through the borough’s countryside with just one aim, to create a sneeze—the most dangerous distraction known to motoring.

With snot flying out of your nostrils at 200mph it is impossible not to take your eyes off the road. Pollen is a potential killer.

While the pollen filter is by no means a new creation, Volvo believes its decision could ease the itchy eyes, blocked noses and constant sneezing of between eight and ten million hay fever sufferers in the UK.

There are just two problems. Not everyone in the UK chooses to drive a Volvo and, of course, on-board pollen filters are only a cure for hay fever while you’re in your car.

If my colleagues thought they had things bad when I was just stealing tissues they won’t know what has hit them when I start trying to reverse park a Volvo at my desk...